Even before it is started, continuing my degree requires a very long and demanding road. That's why some people say that accronym of PhD stands for Patiently Hoping (for a) Degree than Philosophy Doctor.
Since three years ago, I decided to allocate time for gaining informations and preparing myself for making many abroad scholarship applications. Just like job application, scholarship applications will also give you some emotional pressures because some of them will be rejcted while some others will be gone with the wind.
My first application was sent to Australian Government Scholarship; AAS. It was succesfully rejected. I felt a little bit dissapointed but after re read it today, I know that my application was so far for excellent while there were thousand applications for only about hundred nominees.
On the next year, I tried to prepared the better ones. Unfortunately, my Toefl score below the line. I can only sent 2 applications; first to NZ aid scholarship and the second to ministry of religion. These scholarships much more affordable for my toefl score but still, mine were failed too.
I kept asking what was wrong about my application since both of them already fulfilled the requirements. Before sending my NZ application, i send my personal statements, my research proposal to some expert colleagues who already been experienced with study abroad and got some feedback. Then i was quite confidence and raised up my hope about that. Maybe they seeked for the excellent one rather than just a good one or maybe my time is not yet coming.
Failed will always be hurt no matter how hard you try to cheer up yourself. After two years and three application failing, I was thinking to give up. I'm thinking of continuing my study in some national leading universities. But one day, a forty something friend told me that I'm just too early too give up. Because even a forty something years old lecturer like her is fighting for a scholarship which most of them requires maximum age about 40years old.
Then, here I am now, preparing another applications after another rejections on the last two months..
I'm sure after doing more hardwork and pray, nothing is in vain